Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Presents!

My dear reader(s?), have I got the most fantastic present for you? Hell yes, I do. I have just returned home from the magical land of Blockbuster with many spoils of war. I have rented 4 fabulous films, which I will be reviewing forthwith. Said films are Whip It!, Surrogates, Nine (or 9, I suppose), and Pandorum (totally only rented it for Ben Foster. And because I just watched Ghost Ship).

Pandorum is now sitting in my DVD player, its menu music obnoxiously repeating itself, awaiting my signal to begin playing. That, however, is not the end of the good news. Yesterday, because I was downtown and it was goddamn freezing, I went to the mall. Seeing as I was there and all, I decided to venture into HMV. I said hi to Rob and we chatted a while, then I did what I do best and spent money. I purchased Lucky Number Slevin (I love, love, LOVE this movie!), Diary of the Dead (my favourite of the Dead), The Departed (which I have not seen), and The Last of the Mohicans (what? It was free). Those will also be under review after I have watched all of these (hopefully) fucking awesome movies.

Talk to you soon, dear reader(s?)! Or, I suppose, talk
at you.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Watch and Blog

Did anyone else watch Observe and Report? Yeah? Was anyone else incredibly disturbed by it? No? Just me?

Maybe I missed the humour, but that movie was seriously fucked up. I understand what's supposed to be funny about it. I don't understand how in the hell that wasn't one of the most disturbing movies ever.

No, it's not disturbing because of the five-minute-long scene of a fat, naked man running wild through the mall.

Though this is pretty fucked up.

I should probably explain myself here. Before watching Observe and Report, I read this article from Cracked.com that outlines several fan theories about different movies. The theory regarding Observe and Report postulates that everything after Ronnie, the protagonist, stops taking his medication takes place in his head.

At this point it would probably be helpful if I explained the plot for those who haven't seen the movie yet. The movie follows the head of mall security, Ronnie Barnhardt, through several big "cases" in the mall, such as the "mall flasher" pervert and the robbing of several stores in the mall. After the pervert flashes Brandi, a clerk at the makeup counter and girl of Ronnie's naï
ve dreams, the cops are called in to take over the case. Ronnie resents the interference and, in an attempt to show the detective running the investigation, he applies to join the police academy.

Unfortunately for Ronnie, he fails his psych exam after he stops taking his medication (he's bipolar) and his application is rejected. Ronnie takes rejection hard and lets Dennis, a fellow security guard, convince him that drugs and alcohol fix everything (which is ironic since Ronnie's mother is an alcoholic). During their drug binge, Dennis reveals that he's the thief that's been repeatedly robbing the mall. Dennis knocks Ronnie out when it becomes clear that Ronnie's not cool with that shit.

Ronnie subsequently loses his job, loses his shit, and tries to beat the shit out of a dozen cops as they attempt to remove him from the mall. When Ronnie re-enters the mall as a civilian to visit Nell, the chick who wasn't a total bitch/slut like Brandi, the mall pervert flashes him and Nell and he takes off after the naked flasher eventually shooting him before he has a chance to assault Brandi one last time. It should be noted that there was no evidence to suggest that the flasher was after Brandi, but early on, Ronnie fervently suggests that the flasher's true mission is to horribly murder her. The fact that the flasher runs straight for her in the end certainly lends credence to the "it's all in Ronnie's head" theory.

Without the "Ronnie's delusional" theory floating through your mind, the film could be considered funny (though really fucking depressing for a lot of it), if not incredibly awkward. When you watch it under the assumption that Ronnie's got a few screws and a fucking crowbar loose, it's a damn disturbing movie.

Maybe I'm thinking too much about a movie that's just supposed to provide a few laughs and show you Anna Faris' tits. Maybe it's the fact that even without thinking it's all in Ronnie's head, things get pretty damn fucked up. Whatever it is, the movie's a mindfuck, possibly on par with The Usual Suspects. It's got nothing on 2001: A Space Odyssey, though. Fucking HAL.

Also, holy shit. One picture for the whole post?

There, much better. Pictured: Seth Rogen in Observe and Report.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

6 Cinema Patrons Who Must be Stopped

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.